Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
5.5/10
日版我确实没看过，但中国版，拍的索然无味，看得出来是一眼就能看出来的虚假高饱和度的特效，故意拍得像舞台剧一样，原版也有类似画面，意大利人交易和舔刀那两段倒是有点意思。
加一星给魏翔结尾杀青片段，一把鼻涕一把泪感谢导演和投资方给他机会做男主角，感觉这是he版的喜剧之王啊，哈哈，给魏翔鼓掌～～
作为过年合家欢电影，本片还是非常合格的，几处融梗倒也不觉生硬。小厅观看，观众二三十人，笑声此起彼伏，喜剧最大的成就不就是能让人发自内心地笑出声吗，没必要非去追求什么价值意义的
原版《魔幻时刻》没有多惊艳但有情怀，是一封给老电影、电影人的情书，像一碗白米饭，没有多好但细细咀嚼会有甘甜。翻拍的《这个杀手不太冷静》只有无聊和尴尬，往本来的白米饭里参屎。
真的很佩服开心麻花一如既往不遗余力的强推新人的战略
恭喜陈明昊再次塑造了喜欢投资拍电影的黑帮大哥形象
确实有一两场戏或是几个镜头好笑（魏翔被辞退、神父、推轮椅），整体还是太粗糙了，魏翔很努力成为了一名喜剧演员，可终究不是喜剧明星
很不错，虽然不免俗套，但真的很开心，前半段有几个点简直把我笑哭，魏翔的演技早该有个男主角了。
本来不咋感兴趣，被朋友拉着一块看了，结果意外的好看、好笑，推荐可以去看看
5.当个博人一笑的小品看就行了，卖弄的表演风格也是迎合了长久浸染在媚俗的社会审美趣味的观众。戏剧电影重舞台，表演腔，跳脱现实本无可厚非。但改编，只是单纯的加快节奏、缩短篇幅、比原版更加通俗易懂，甚至看不出任何“有意义的再创作”意愿。作为电影，创作者更是不具备对电影语言使用的自觉。
演员真的很不错，但是故事实在很糟糕。电影中致敬经典的桥段也很奇怪，那段《雨中曲》，请问删掉影响剧情吗？
春节带爸妈合家欢电影。其他几部对我来说都是雷，就选择了马丽。以为是个比较好笑的喜剧片，结果笑点比想象中的密集多了！不带脑子的笑一笑挺好看！
喜剧看的是笑果。一开始觉得有点卖傻，但角色越演越让你相信的时候，喜剧效果就出来了。这种风格的电影不要较真，它就是追求这种夸张荒诞的表演。喜剧片有两到三场让你笑喷的情节，其实效果就挺到位的了。十八线城市出身的从业者表示，这个肯定是春节黑马了，毋庸置疑。
粗制滥造，男女主演都不切合角色设定，表演紧张、浮夸，过于用力。
就很好笑啊，真情实感的好笑，仔细看，还会发现魏翔的肢体表演有点在学许冠文，同样也是圆脸演员，还有一点就是，现在内地电影煽情只能靠粤语金曲了。。
（最开始喜欢上魏翔是因为一部烂剧，包贝尔的那部《欢喜密探》，他在里面太出彩了，虽然戏份不多却足够我记到现在，也因为他演这么烂的剧而替他可惜。不过啊，还好，他被看到了。
跟日本原版相比，加了很多适合本土低笑点观众的梗，也适度的改编了结局，挺适合春节合家欢看个热闹的。
很显然电影选择加大力度
一开始看到借鉴《喜剧之王》的桥段还觉得有点尴尬，但是看下来还是觉得挺好看的。
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